“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore”
~ Andre Gide
~ Andre Gide
I think it's fair to say that I cannot, cannot, dance. I can do this thing where I drink three shots of tequila and then sort of hallucinate I'm on So You Think You Can Dance, but once the liquor wears off it becomes apparent that I have just run drunken laps around the bar with my hands in the air like a maniac. I love the idea of dancing - I watch all the shows, entertain fantasies about quitting life and spending 8 hours a day learning how to crump - but at 28 years old, I realize I'll probably always be relegated to the tequila squat and thrust.
This doesn't mean, however, I won't spend 2 hours a week attempting to reverse fate.
Because recently? I've started taking a dance class. A friend teaches this class - otherwise I would have never, in a trillion years, set foot into a room surrounded by mirrors - and what started as a one time experience has turned into a weekly lesson in embarrassment management.
Not only are there mirrors on every single wall, there are actual dancers in this class. Like, people who shake their ass in their sleep and do ball-changes in the shower. They wear Flashdance-esque shirts and are always turning left when I'm going right. They see something once and repeat it like they choreographed it themselves. They add flair.
And me? I'm in the back. In the corner. Staring at the person in front of me and desperately trying to figure out how to fucking pivot in the right direction. I'm stepping on my own feet. Blowing my hair out of my eyes and trying to sexily walk toward the front mirror without bursting into howls of laughter. I mean, I can be sexy, but when you add specific steps to specific hip-shakes, I think, for the most part, I am the opposite of that.
So most of the time I'm messing up my right and my left and avoiding crushing someone else's toes, but every once in a while, once every blue moon over Buffalo, I catch sight of myself in the mirror and am surprised: I am actually not sucking.
As soon as this information reaches my brain I start sucking again, but that glimmer, that millisecond of understanding that I actually could learn how to do this, changes the way my cells and blood and even spirit cycle around in my body.
Just a moment of realizing you could possibly do this one thing that seems so out of your reach unlocks the possibility that all other things that seemed out of reach might also be possible.
It's a fleeting moment, a moment that usually disappears the minute I fuck up again, but its echo is powerful enough to stay with me for the rest of the night - and bring my back to the class, week after uncoordinated week.
11 comments:
This is like me and piano. I suck, but it's so good for my soul.
Dancing is something that is so incredibly freeing...even when the dancer sucks at it. Maybe more so when the dancer sucks at it. I'm no ballerina, but I love to dance when I can. It's the kind of feeling you can't get elsewhere.
I've only taken one real dance class ever. It was when I was 4 at the local community college. I loved it and told my parents that I loved it. For some reason, they never signed me up again. I still curse them for that.
Ha love this post. I think all of us have our moments with dance. I think I'm a good dancer but have been sadly told that sometimes I'm lacking in rythm, but whatever. I think its awesome that you are stepping outside of your comfort zone and trying something new.
I think the most freeing part of dancing is when you don't care if you're doing it right or look okay.
Are you taking a ballet class?
I took ballet from three to 16, and I hated dance. Despised it. I felt like my parents were forcing me to do it and it was punishment. So after 16, I stopped completely. Refused to even dance at prom. Well, a couple years ago, a friend of mine dragged me on stage at a concert and I danced for the first time in ten years...in front of thousands of people. And not caring what they thought and not having to do technique and simply feeling FREE, made it a turning-point in my life. Now I dance all the time!
I think sometimes we just need to force ourselves to confront our insecurities before we have that much-needed moment of clarity...
Good luck with your class. ;)
Go you. I used to do dance lessons three nights a week when I was younger - I'm not sure how naturally good I was, but I was so enthusiastic and I LOVED it. There's a little part of me that's a bit empty inside since not doing it anymore - have been looking for the right dance class for me but admittedly a little courage is needed too. This might've given me a push in the right direction :)
That's soooo cool that you're taking a dance class. I've always wanted to do that. Once I took a belly dancing class, and it was fun, so I don't know why I don't try another class.
I also tell myself I can't learn to dance because then I'll expect my life to turn into Dirty Dancing, and that'll just set myself up for disappointment.
I'm an excellent dancer. But when I sing the cats hide under the bed. Good for you for not sucking. Not sucking is so much better than sucking. Keep it up!
This is exactly why I Zumba! EVERYONE, save the instructor, looks exactly as you've described yet no one cares. It's an amazing workout, so incredibly fun an energizing and if you have a great leader you DO pick up new dance moves that translate into a public dance floor should you so choose. And one can always supplement in the privacy of ones own living room as well. Kit Kats to you (because I like those better than Kudos) for stepping beyond your comfort zone though. Thats really awesome!
Dude you are HILARIOUS! I was experiencing severe lolz by the 4th paragraph. I bet you are beyond adorable when you dance, skill or no skill.
The only dance classes I've ever attended are belly dancing. they're great fun and a good workout too.
Oh man, you're far braver than I. I *wish* I enjoyed dancing, but I'm so self-conscious it never works well.
...I guess we need to choose not to be self conscious ;)
Post a Comment