“That's the thing with magic. You've got to know it's still here, all around us, or it just stays invisible for you”
~ Charles de Lint
~ Charles de Lint
The best thing about being a kid at Christmas (besides the obvious gift gluttony), was sitting next to our nonsensically decorated tree, listening to my mom's Christmas records -- I swear to you we had a record player in the late 80s -- and building lincoln log houses underneath the twinkling lights and amid the fresh scent of pine needles. It was like being in another universe - one where only good things and good smells and good cheer existed.
(This is before we transitioned to a fake tree because my Dad was so goddamned sick! of the real thing falling over and almost crushing our cat and shattering tiny ornaments into so many pieces that dangerously small shards of glass speckled our living room for days.)
As a big believer in magic, Christmas seemed like the absolute best time for wishes to come true - espescially for 8-year-old girls who were already so full of Catholic guilt that the worst thing they had done in recent memory was sneak a gingerbread cookie before dinner. I mean, Santa came out at Christmas. A huge old man who delivered presents all over the world in one single night. If that wasn't fucking magic, nothing was.
December still has its magic moments, but obviously, 20 years later, some of the sparkle has leaked out. It's just how life goes; you grow up, realize Santa's handwriting is an exact replica of your mom's, panic because you hardly have enough money to buy gifts, and ready yourself for the bombardment of questions regarding your dating / baby status for five consecutive days. Even with the added benefit of spiking your eggnog with as much rum as you want, there's nothing joyous about realizing how much shit you're being served by Big Businesses who just want you to BUY giant TVs and giant diamonds while millions of people all over the earth can hardly afford 2 meals a day.
Despite the stressful, sugary consumer coating, I still enjoy the spirit of Christmas. It's just...sometimes I wonder how many more single, not-quite-doing-the-job-I-want holidays are going to go by. Obviously I'd like this to be the last one, but there's only so much control a girl's got - sometimes she just has to defer to Santa. Or little baby Jesus. Or Hallmark. Or Halliburton. ...Or whoever really controls this holiday.
For now, I guess I'll just be grateful for other joys: like parents who still secretly put presents out on Christmas morning, five dollar buckets of 100 tiny candy canes, and an excuse to wear an exorbitant amount of sequins for a month.
Sometimes she just has to make a wish on magic that may or may not still exist.
For now, I guess I'll just be grateful for other joys: like parents who still secretly put presents out on Christmas morning, five dollar buckets of 100 tiny candy canes, and an excuse to wear an exorbitant amount of sequins for a month.
What do you want this year?
And what do you already have?
20 comments:
I mean, Santa came out at Christmas. A huge old man who delivered presents all over the world in one single night.
I can tell the magic has gone out of Christmas for me as this now sounds like either
Santa is gay and comes out once a year
Or
He is a sex offender grooming little children.
As for
Being a child already so full of Catholic guilt
I got around this by becoming a failed catholic – disqualified for not believing in god....
I think it was the eating and drinking the body and blood of Christ that did for me in the end – it didn’t go down very well with our local priest when I confessed to cannibalism. I should have gone down your path and claimed it was a ginger bread man, I could have confessed to lying the following week a sort of religious Bogof offer.... although is technically it would be a Cogof - Confess one and get one free....
I'll take two out of three of those. I love donuts!
You just basically described my exact emotional journey with Christmas. I had the same experience as a kid, except my parents held onto their ancient record player until it absolutely died in the late 90s. Christmas was always SO magical for me and I never wanted to stop believing in Santa. As for this year, I can barely think of anything I want, as odd as it seems. I already have the things that are important to me.
What do I want? Hmmm..... I wouldn't mind a book of free movie tickets.
What have I already got? Two lovely sons, a roof over my head, good friends, a job I like. Guess I'm pretty lucky.
I could not agree more, all of the above mentioned items I am simultaneously asking Santa for. Hopefully this year he will be kind and at minimum provide me with a hot husband.
Hey, that's my Christmas list-
and I wait in hopeful anticipation.
I'm with you with the Catholic guilt part. And no matter how hard I try Christmas will not be the same without my father that died six years ago. There will no longer be that warm, "all-good" feeling that you just described. But I still kind of love it, if it's only for the peacefulness and the Christmas tree and lights all around. It's such a joy to live and to have been given the gift of experiencing that...
I don't know what I would have done without Christmas. Winter would certainly have become much more unbearable than it already is!
Halina
I like Christmas better as an adult, honestly: I get exactly what I want, I can eat as many cookies as I want without anyone yelling at me, and the ornaments go just where I think they should (well, except for the ones my kids put on the tree). It's pretty magical, honestly.
Is it weird that every time I encounter a hot, single, artsy guy I think of you? I'm talking the kind of guys I would be all over if I didn't already have a decent one. Come to Oklahoma for some Holly-approved husband material, girrrl.
I'd love to find donuts that won't make me fat. Christmas is a tough time of year and I'm still asking some of these questions and trying not to answer others. Just make sure to turn on the tree lights each evening and keep some wine in the fridge.
You had me at doughnuts.
Wait...Santa's not real? NOOOOOOO!
Donuts and any form of dessert that won't make me fat is one my list.
I built a gingerbread house with the boys last night. That was awesome. I want a real gingerbread house for Christmas.
The sparkle has left the holidays some. I've found myself focusing more on the impending new year than Christmas. And I think this might be a good thing. Christmas suffers from a variety of people putting too many of their happiness eggs in that particular basket.
But I'd really like a remote car starter.
Our Christmas wish lists are the same! Except I don't want a hot husband (gay!) and I'm not particularly fond of doughnuts. Also, I don't celebrate Christmas. But otherwise, the similarities are uncanny.
i want you to get all of these things ;)
how about THAT!
You figured it out because of the handwriting thing too, eh? We're a couple of Nancy Drews!
I want le toddler to rethink this whole abandoning naps thing!
Excellent point about the sequins. Why the hell haven't I taken advantage of that?
Thanks for the nostalgia...I loved lincoln logs. Great blog too!
http://fromahouseonbrownave.wordpress.com/
I miss having a tree and having the lights on the tree with all the other lights off in our living room as a child. It really was a magical, sort of otherworldly experience. Well said.
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