Who knows what started it:
Maybe I ate too many carbs at lunch. Maybe my stomach is angry that I keep sucking it in every time that hot computer guy walks by. Maybe I no longer have any idea whether I'm a normal weight or not because in one store I'm a size 2 and in the next I can barely squish my ass into a size 6. Or maybe I've read one too many articles about celebrities giving in to some pre-determined falsity of beauty.
Whatever the case, I am pissed.
I'm so fucking angry that day in and day out, I think about my body image. I hate that somewhere inside my mind there's a secret trapdoor that houses all sorts of thoughts about attaining a type of thinness which will never be comfortably possible for me. I can't stand that my immediate reaction to Victoria Secret commercials is envy, and then my second is shame. Shame? That I don't have the proportions a naturally tall and thin woman who admittedly has to starve herself anyway has? I might as well envy a Unicorn. Or a diamond ring. Or a diamond Unicorn. Or something else as equally beautiful and equally as impossible for me to ever be.
We all know it's a lie, talk about how it's a lie, create entire movements based on how it's a lie, and yet, most of us, somewhere deep down, kind of actually believe the lie. Even as we shout from the rooftops about the lie, we take notes on how to follow it.
I dream about a day when I'm secure enough in my opinions, thankful enough to my body, that I no longer secretly believe in complete bullshit. Maybe it will come with age, or with certain accomplishments, or a marriage to my soulmate Mr. Ryan So-Hot-He'll-Burn-Your-Face Gosling - but honestly, that moment can't come soon enough.
Asking the entire country to change its opinions isn't what I'm talking about. That sort of things takes decades, and I don't have that kind of time. I want the person I see in the mirror every morning to change her mind. In the end, she's the only one who matters.
Someday I'm going to be old, and then later I'll die, and the idea that I've wasted literal years of my life worrying about a young, healthy body and how it could be (impossibly) better makes me super annoyed at myself. I want to be healthy and strong but being those things isn't the same as being a supermodel. I will never be a supermodel. Never. Not in this life. They say never say never but I think in this case, never is the healthiest word I could utter to myself.
There are things in this life I can and want to change.
And then there are things which will never budge.
Which makes the most sense to worry about?
(Note: I will gladly accept free Victoria Secret underwear and bras for mentioning them in this blog. I enjoy sparkles, lace and the type adorned with priceless jewels)
21 comments:
Also keep in mind that that photo has been touched up. And sadly, they do it knowing the repercussions of such an act.
I love this post! I am always thinking about this and how I wish I could just be happy with myself as I am instead of constantly wishing for perfection. My husband doesn't want perfection, he wants me. As I am. And the sooner I come to terms with the fact that I have a healthy, fully functional body the sooner I can stop looking at models and thinking they are somehow better than me.
I fear for our children who will live in a world where photoshopped images are the norm and they have this impossible dream to become like those people.
I think people who KNOW they're hot carry themselves differently, whether they're Victoria's Secret models or not. I don't mean people who are full of themselves and walk with their nose in the air, I mean people who are comfortable and convinced of their sex appeal. It becomes true if you believe it. It becomes apparent to the rest of the world due to simple things like posture and body language, and they believe it too.
So I don't know what I can do to make you believe it other than say that truly, honestly, you are SO FUCKING GORGEOUS that my husband has threatened to leave me for "that hot redhead whose blog you follow" (and he's seen your picture once- that's all it took). Everyone has little quirks with their body, I will never be one of those girls whose thighs don't touch for example, and sometimes my lower abs resemble those of a woman in her second trimester. What makes us sexy is when we embrace these things and know that no matter how much hail damage we may have, any man who leaves our bed will be one satisfied mofo. That's my philosophy anyway.
If you ever had a protruding leg bone, I'd hope someone would take you to the doctor immediately. Like the ER. That kind of skinny ain't healthy. And I'm sure that woman isn't healthy at all.
Body image is such a sad issue in our society. We tend to hate ourselves just as a way to get by. And it's sad. We all fall victim to it, even when we try not to.
I was doing so well with my weight loss plan and then my gym canceled yoga, there was a death in the family and my brother is going back to Afghanistan.
Instead of lacing up my shoes, I didn't get out of my pajamas for a few days and proceeded to live on leftover Halloween candy.
I don't have an easy answer for you. I wish I did. It's so easy to hate ourselves and our bodies. Too easy.
My husband told me a secret: that most men find real women sexier than models. I mean, it's hard to not look at a scantily clad woman, but LOOK at her. LEG BONES ARE NOT SEXY. Ever since he told me that and most of my male friends agreed that a hot young 20-something in real life was much preferable to a model/actress, I've started to see these things differently.
It's safe to say that the majority of men and women agree with you. So it's not necessarily society that has to change...the companies who OWN these models have to change...and that's not going to happen any time soon. You know why? Every single big name corporation like Victoria's Secrete (no, that was not a type-o) is linked to each other. So the same people who throw these starved models at you through TV and magazines are the same people who own pretty much everything...including the food you eat and products you use (Kraft, Shell gasoline, Macy's, etc).
My suggestion to you is to stop watching TV. I know that sounds stupid, but ever since I've stopped doing this I've been happier with myself. I don't get bombarded with stupid advertisements about Mac & Cheese or these "sexy" Victoria's Secrete ads. Fake boobs and eating disorders are not sexy.
And please don't feel bad. Advertisements are DESIGNED to make us feel horribly about ourselves.
xoxo Azu
www.ravenhaireddoll.blogspot.com
"I will never have a protruding leg bone."
You and me both, sister :)
-Sarah
www.sarahplanet.com
Well said. We're faced with unrealistic expectations every day - and as the first commenter said, usually airbrushed to hell.
Someday you will look back at the pictures from when you were in your twenties and thirties and think, "I looked the best I ever did in my life, and I spent all that time hating my stomach. You are crazy, past self!"
Then you will look at the gorgeous blond next to you and think, "Daaaamn Meg was a hottie."
I <3 you.
Ummm yeah, I'm going to be watching that stupid fashion show while stuffing a hot fudge sundae down my mouth. :S And scowling at the gorgeous girls with their underweight bodies.
I hate being so obsessed with my body image too. It sucks we're programmed to feel this way.
I wish we lived 400 years ago when fat women were like the hottest thing ever. Wouldn't that make life easier? We could just eat all day and not give a damn.
You and me both. Even if I starved myself, I wouldn't look like that. My bone structure is too wide.
I wish I could not worry about how I look.
Yes to all of the above. So much airbrushing that it is literally *impossible* for 99.9999% of the population to look like that. I was naturally super skinny growing up (trust me, that changed!) and when I started gaining more weight in college, I looked at those catalogs and was briefly envious until I realized that the girls all have bodies like I did when I was 13. They have pre-pubescent girl bodies, but with boobs. That's just... not right after a certain age; it looks odd and it skeeved me out. I'm sure I should be more accepting and say all bodies are beautiful, lalala, but those VS models with the straight-up-and-down, no waist, no hips, bones showing--it's really unappealing to me. So that helps, in terms of not envying. And I know you don't post to get validated on your looks, but ditto what everyone else says--you're a gorgeous girl. When you're in your 30's you'll be more comfortable with yourself, I promise. It's one of the better parts of getting older. :)
Every time I feel bad about celebrity bodies, I watch this video of my sister. The pertaining part starts at 3:42.
oh this is FAB! I am so following. thanks for visiting me today too. x
It's NOT A LEG BONE. I understand your frustration but at least be accurate with your rage. What you point out as a bone is actually a muscle. If the model wasn't flexing that muscle, you would see it. You have that same muscle. All of us do. The difference is she get's paid a lot of money to know how to stand and what to flex when.
What would be great is if you could get to the root of why seeing her makes you feel the way you do. And when I say you, I mean women who share your same sentiment. Men are faced with similar images of hot studliness but typically shrug it off.
As a guy, when I see fit, shirtless guys in commercials, film, and ads, I don't pawn blame off on their good genes or make excuses like they must be starving themselves. I take responsibility and say the reason I don't look like that is because of ME. I don't make the time to work out daily and eat a like better. That's me fault and nobody else. If I want the hot sexy and lean body I had when I was younger, I NEED TO PUT THE FORK DOWN. That and working out. It's that simple. Eat less, work out more. There is no magic secret. Eat less (or better), work out more. Period. If you do one or both at the same time, you will look different.
Too many times as a society it's easier to look outward and point the finger and say shame on "them" for creating unrealistic body images. When the finger should be pointing at ourselves. Shame on us for becoming one of the most disgustingly obese societies on the planet.
It's not Victoria's Secret's fault that I had 2 cheeseburgers and 2 orders of fries for dinner. It's mine. The sooner we take responsibility for our own actions and stop pointing fingers, the sooner we'll have the change we want.
Oh my god, gir'. We all share this stupid, stupid pain. You, since you are kind of involved in this ridiculous industry, are more privy to the bullshit that goes on behind the scenes.
But... there's good news. While it seems that the modeling industry will forever be retarded, it seems that the film world is beginning to embrace the "lifestyle" look a little more. I see more and more breakdowns from my agent requesting "real" looking actresses. And I'm seeing the "normal" look reflected moreso in television and movies. I like being able to see buff and fuller figured women nowadays and less of that Kate Bosworth circa Superman look that seemed to be plaguing the industry as of late.
I mean, don't get me wrong - skinny bitches are still out there and are at large - but being a normal weight isn't the kiss of death like it used to be.
You rock. Remember that!
I will never have a protruding leg bone either and you're right, she's probably really bitchy. Here's one more thing - I'm guessing she can't read so she'll never have a blog either. And if she did it would say things like "I love hearts. Puppies are cute. Glitter makes me want to hug kittens." Your blog rules, bitchy idiot's blog sucks.
The end.
LOVE IT!!!! I'll keep my subtle stretch marks from child birth and the happiness that baby brings over starving for money and attention any day... ANY DAY.
I think, Gregory, you may have missed my point.
My point is - I will never, comfortably, be a thin, lithe model. For about 98% of the population, that look is not natural. If you eat a lot of cheeseburgers, well, that look is even MORE unreachable, but if you eat healthy (like I do), work out all the time (like I do), your body will eventually settle into it's natural form. And my natural form is not the tall, lanky women that are in so many advertisements.
Which is FINE. And I have nothing against these women. And their liquid diets. (Did you click the link? It's a reality) What I can't stand is how so many of us, who are healthy and beautiful, strive for an unnatural "thinness," which is basically an arbitrary beauty decision in the first place.
I couldn't find a blog for you so I wrote you here...but part of me doubts you'll be back. Good luck putting the fork down, but remember...most of those guys have to eat a certain way too - and it's not super enjoyable.
i love this post and totally get it. it's so frustrating to be one size somewhere and a totally bigger size somewhere else. it's more annoying to me than anything because i hate trying on clothes. i don't want to then have to get a different size than what i thought i needed!
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