“Save a boyfriend for a rainy day - and another, in case it doesn't rain”
~ Mae West
I have not dated for a year.
A little over a year, in fact.
This would be super depressing if it wasn't half-expected and also half my fault.
It's expected because it's a pattern of mine: Long-term relationship <--> Long-term aloneness <--> Long-term relationship...it's just the way things have worked out, for better or worse. Years ago I would sometimes fill that long-term aloneness with situations I like to call "things" because they do not warrant a name any more specific than that, but since I'm not into "things" anymore, I've really been alone.
And it's kind of my fault because casual dating makes me want to vomit. And then maybe stab myself with glass so I can go to the hospital instead of on a casual date. Because why spend time with someone unless you really like them and want it to go somewhere? I don't like spending time with people I'm not interested in, and I really don't like people I'm not interested in spending money on me. It feels like I'm stealing. I might as well reach into their pocket and grab their wallet while they're not looking.
This is probably an intense way of looking at it, but, I mean, hey.
I'm intense.
I'm intense.
So after realizing that sitting around and waiting for a hot doctor or hot CEO or hot millionaire who saves the world to materialize in the middle of the street while I'm driving to work probably wasn't going to happen, I decided to cover my eyes, take a breath, and sign on to an online dating site.
I know.
Believe me.
BUT. As un-lonely and independent as I am, it's not like I want to be 80 years old, covered in cat fur, proudly telling anyone who will listen how I've been to Chippendales like 14989 times because I don't have to worry about a jealous husband. I mean, I'd like to meet someone awesome. And they don't grow on trees. And so I just decided. And am doing my best to not be negative or all sarcastic every time someone asks.
It's kind of like I'm standing on top of a hill, waving a magenta flag, telling the Universe that I'm ready. However we meet, I'm ready to meet.
Especially because I don't even like cats that much.
25 comments:
I feel you! It's exhilarating to be alone and content, but at the same time...I know I eventually want to meet someone. More power to you! Get it, giiirl. ;)
I don't like cats at all, but I love puppies! Um...gut reaction, you want to meet someone awesome and I wonder if Mr. Awesome would be on an online dating site. However, while I used to think it was totally scary-I now think that having someone sort out some of the creeps might not be a bad idea. Obviously, I would be extremely careful before meeting someone or handing out my address if I were you. In fact the words "background check" come to mind.
I get the not wanting to waste time on someone you aren't interested in, but if you don't have a couple of those first and second dates...how do you really know if you are interested?
So very nice to meet you. And what a brave soul you are. Have you made a list yet? You know, the kind where you number the most important aspects of a mate? For me it came down to two important traits. Humor and dark skin. I had to be with someone who could keep me chuckling and if there ever was a possibility of having children I had to safeguard against the possibility of them ever being born with my skin tone. I needed to break that chain with a sledgehammer.
Good luck. Online dating can be truly crazy-making, but it can also lead to good relationships. I've had two friends marry men who they met online, so it is definitely possible. I hope you'll share some of the entertaining stories here.
Good luck!
Dating is one of those things that sucks...until it doesn't.
Just remember that men won't buy the cow if they're getting the milk for free.
www.gweenbrick.com
Good Luck. Everyone and by Everyone I mean a lot of my friends are doing online dating and speed dates so you aren't the only one. I hate dating sometimes, I've been single for a couple months and I'm enjoying it. I don't think I mind being a cat lady, well if I didn't hate cats that is. Anyways its going to make for some good stories I hope you blog about it.
Good luck indeed, I just deleted my dating website profiles the other day. Dating can suck and I think it has to until you find that certain someone. Last week I think that may have happened to me, at least a someone for now, depending on how much he really does like me compared to how much he says.
Good Luck girl you deserve it!
P.S If we're ever old and single we can totally be cat ladies that know all the Chippendale's names!
Good luck lovely lady!!! My mom and stepdad met on an online dating site. So did our neighbors, who recently got married.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like having someone pay for you when you're not into them is like stealing. I feel the same way. Unless they're jerks. Then I don't.
I think online dating sites get a bad rap. I know several couples who met that way.
PS: Did you see the post I did quoting you?
http://thoughtsappear.wordpress.com/2011/08/31/have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too/
What do you have to lose? Well, other than a few hours of your life...but really that's not much worse than going to the movies these days. AND worst case you get some good writing fodder. Because really, I would love to read that shit and it's really all about my needs, right? RIGHT?
I started online dating a little less than two years ago (I used OkCupid, quality varies upon the town you're in).
The first guy I went on a date with is now my boyfriend of ~21 months. The second guy I went on a date with, I dated sporadically for two months. Both guys were really genuinely good people.
There doesn't have to be any horror stories. Everything can work out wonderfully! Good luck :)
This is great!! It's 2011, this is how people meet. Plus how often do you really get to evaluate (and laugh at) your options without actually having to meet them. I'm really excited for you. Go get 'em, Tigress!
I started doing the online thing, as you know, and I'm still in the same position as you are now. But...I think that's more about my lack of patience than anything else. I met some nice guys and some absolute freaks, but it never resulted in anything serious. In fact, it just resulted in more..."things". However - I don't doubt that it works, for people that have the time, energy and patience to devote to plowing through all the shit.
I may go back to it eventually, but with everything on my plate right now, I'd probably cut the first coffee date that asked me my bra size "just out of curiosity".
I really hope you meet someone great - online, in the middle of the road or where ever. :)
Im pretty sure I'll end up with a lot of cats and no love.
But you wont. cause you're amazing.
You're so gorgeous. I'm not saying this as a friend, but as a realist, but I think you intimidate guys. I'm very serious. You are incredibly good-looking and very smart. Guys are afraid to approach this type of woman, I believe. They don't think they are good enough.
Good luck with the online dating. I can't wait to hear how it goes. xo
I met my super smart, hottie patottie boyfriend on the Match after a year of telling my girlfriend I would NEVER go on the Match. If you just screen carefully, you'll find winners, I promise.
Hint: Pick a guy who has at least one photo of him and a family member in it (parent, sister, etc.). I think it speaks highly that a dude is close to his fam, enough to include them in his profile.
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oooh. love your blog so much!!
And I love this post really.)
Can you answer on my question?
What is your favorite place on earth and why?
It s really intresting for me, becaurse I love travaling and photo.)
♥
I had this same situation before. And at the time I thought "Well, at least I'll get some writing material out of it." And I was right. I had a few dates and talked to a few guys. But then I met The Mister through an online personal ad. I never would have met him otherwise. It changed both of our worlds. And it was totally before online dating was acceptable, so we kind of fudged how we met for a year or two. But it was totally worth it.
Most days. ;)
I have a rule no cats but that's only because I'm allergic. I have friends who have attempted online dating some have had great luck and others had none. I think just be open and you will find that right someone.
I know the idea of online dating sounds kind of lame, but it's actually becoming a really common way to meet people. I mean, if you think about it, lots of people meet new friends through Twitter and blogs, so why not online dating?
If it makes you feel better, I met my boyfriend AKA the love of my life on OKCupid and now we're planning on getting engaged next spring. I never expected to find my future husband on a free online dating website, but I did, and I've never been happier. :)
You know what's best for you. I met The Husband on a blind date.
Just broadcast where you're meeting them and what they look like in case you go missing.
My 17 year old daughter seems to date one boy after the other and I've asked her if that when she's dating these guys does she ever feel like they are the ONE and she says no, never. So why bother?
I've been with the same person over 25 years now, and I knew the first time we met that this was the ONE!
Why waste your time and emotions on Mr Wrong when Mr Right could be right there waiting?
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This is an excellent psot. I liked it with my heart. Such kind of posts are providing valuable information and also boosting us to make such kind of posts. Its really very great post.
So, I do not really believe it will have effect.
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