“A little more persistence, a little more effort, and what seemed hopeless failure may turn to glorious success"
~ Elbert Hubbard
When I win a contest,
or place well in a contest,
or someone with clout is interested in my work,
I feel good.
I'm certain I'm doing the right thing with my life. If tell people I'm a writer, if they ask. I daydream about typing up an award-winning script in an adorable beach bungalow, my cherry red Mustang parked in the driveway (I realize that is a cheezy car choice. But I still want it). All is right with the world and I'm enthused about whatever new project my brain has pushed into my consciousness.
But when I lose a contest,
or don't even place,
or someone with clout forgets about me,
I feel awful.
I beat myself up for wasting a third of my life on something that isn't even real. I try to avoid telling people what I do. I feverishly click through Craigslist and Mediabistro and a bunch of other jobs sites, trying to find another full time career. I start to have nightmares about not having enough money and growing old without ever accomplishing anything of merit. The last thing I want to do is work on something new.
You'd think, by this point in my life, I wouldn't be so ruled by outside judgments.
Ha ha. Of course I'm still ruled by outside judgments.
The only way I'd be free of them is if I lived in a vacuum, or a cave where my only friends were bats and stalagmites.
The truth of the matter is - I have no idea if I'll be successful or not. I want to be. And I think that intense want is the thing that pushes me back up after I sink to the ground in defeat, but at this point, desire and the fleeting joy of creating is all I've got. I don't have guarantees either way, just moments of happiness and despair, positive career benchmarks and embarrassing rejections. Maybe learning to stay afloat on the nauseating ocean gets easier as you get older - or maybe it's the opposite.
"You'll know when it's time to move on," my Mom once told me. "Either it'll happen or you'll be able to walk away and still be happy."
That sounds good.
Either way, I hope she's right.
23 comments:
You're brave for sticking with your chosen career, despite not having any sort of security. I mean, sure even if you wanted to be a CPA, it's not guaranteed that you'll make it, but with writing and creative pursuits there is a greater level of uncertainty. Good for you.
Wanting success like you do is so important - like you said, it gets you through tougher times. A lot of jobs have ups and downs, but I don't know a more passionate group of folks than writers. I always enjoy reading your posts so you should always write in some capacity, whether it's your livelihood or not...it'll always be your heart and soul!
...as writers we move forward regardless of the odds. Because we have to. The urge is too strong to walk away.
And yes, even when it's thought to be a long shot, there's always hope ;)
Good luck!
EL
The title alone made me fall in love with this post, but your words are super, super true. So I love it even more.
http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
Twitter: @GlamKitten88
Stick with it! Your young and talented! It's time to dust off those jeans, roll up your sleeves, and start typing...
Mama--the insides never lie, you know what you are made of and you know where you are destined to be, trust that--opinions of others are just opinions. stay true, stay open--and for the sake of belonging to the living..listen to JESS inside, she trumps the rest. i love you so much and believe in you.
It's the desire that drives us, and it's that desire that will see us succeed one day soon. Do not give up on your dreams, and use the raw emotions of both elation and rejection as creative tools to further inspire you and add to you creative canon.
Crimson -x-
tenyearstime.blogspot.com
I really like what your mom said.
The fact that you really want it will keep you going. Just keep trying and don't forget what keeps you inspired :)
I always admire bravery because I know that I'm a big chicken shit. And sometimes the bravest thing you can do is pursue your dreams and do what makes you happy. That makes you amazing. And listen to your momma. What she says is true. :)
(PS, I've meaning to ask almost since I started reading your blog, but do you ever share you scripts? I would love to read one. I can't promise you amazing feedback, but, you know, some feedback backed by some experience. And a lot of curiosity.)
Every time I get rejected, I read this: http://www.onlinecollege.org/2010/05/17/50-iconic-writers-who-were-repeatedly-rejected/
Good for you for sticking with through the rejections. I'm sure you're going to be great. You're a wonderful writer.
I am the exact same way. I think most creative people are. We need approval because we are our worst critic. If someone else doesn't think we're good enough, then it's like nobody does. :S
At least that's how I feel.
Good luck. If you ever need to be reminded of how awesome you are, send me some of your work. I'll eat it up with a spoon. xoxo
Is this about the contest you wrote about a while back? Setbacks are just part of the process. Without them, we wouldn't really appreciate the successes that are also bound to happen if you keep working at something with an open mind. It sounds like your mama is a very wise woman, but I wouldn't expect anything else from someone that birthed you. ;-)
I'm sending you love right now, are you getting it?
♥ ♥ ♥
You will be famous someday. If only so I can say, "I knew her when..."
I admire anyone who sticks with it, especially when it comes to the arts.
As we get older, we tend to care less and less by what others think of us (compared to, say, middle school). But maybe all that 'care' is just moved into a different section of judgments.
I am so glad you just left a comment on my blog. How have we not met before? I love what you do here!
Your mom sounds like a genius - I'd listen to her. I think you're a writer no matter what and if I were anyone important, I'd invest in your career. Plus you said stalagmite in a blog post. You're A-OK in my book.
I second your mother's opinion. I think eventually you will find the success that you want...or you will get sick of waiting and find another way to channel your talent. I do think that you care less what others think as you get older-but, outside things still have a way of making or breaking my day (the bathroom scales-one of my kids having a bad day)!
The one thing that I do know is that my passions change as I get older. Things I thought I wanted and needed to do when I was in my 20's and 30's were no longer my dreams in my 40's and when I found what I really did love doing-it was nothing I would have ever dreamed of when I was younger. So, while I have no doubt you will always be a writer-you may find something else you love more and write as a hobby. You are still very young-anything is possible!
I know exactly how you feel.
Writing is full of extreme highs that are immediately followed by extreme lows.
I always try and keep the perspective that I will never be the best at writing however I will damn try and be better than most.
Oh man, I can relate to this post incredible style,
OF COURSE.
I do the exact same thing. I take criticism really hard. I mean, it doesn't seem to get better no matter how much rejection i have had. Even after all the good compliments, etc, it's like that one bad one that eats away at you.
i've OFTEN wanted to give up. i HAVE given up. I've done so many other side random jobs in hopes of just being happy with a stable check.
but nah, it always comes back to the writing.
what can i say. it's a torturous existence. ;)
Im glad we share a love for Elbert Hubbard
It can't really have success, I suppose like this.
Post a Comment